Don't Be a Dance Mom!

I will never understand parents who try to live out their dreams through their children. I get it; you want your kids to have a better life than you did. You want them to succeed. You want them to go far!

At some point though, let it go. Your dreams might not be their dreams. They might want to be a fire fighter or a chef instead of a professional soccer player. SHOCKER, RIGHT?!

I see this a lot in one particular area of physical activity – dance.

I will admit, my intake of the television show Dance Moms is a little unhealthy. By “a little” I mean a lot. I watch it every week. What draws me in is the drama amongst the moms. The sad part? It isn’t all fake! I saw it in the moms when I was playing soccer in the standard McLean Youth League. Nothing fancy. Not even All-Stars. Moms/parents were crazy!

When I was in New Orleans this past fall, the hotel I was staying at was catering to a dance competition. Hundreds upon hundreds of dancers and their parents swarmed the ballrooms and the lobbies with their really high ponytails and their team jackets. For the most part, the kids were there to have fun. There was a competition going on but they were with their friends in a new place! It was an exciting experience! The parents on the other hand, not so much joy. I saw moms yelling at their children because they forgot part of their dance or the kid’s leg was not straight enough. I saw moms rolling their eyes at other moms letting their kid get a tall skinny frap from Starbucks WITH whipped cream. That one makes me laugh – OH THE HORROR OF WHIPPED CREAM!

It really is interesting the way parents do that type of thing to their children over a sport. If the kid is taking it as seriously, fine. Sometimes it is the kid’s dream and the adult is just trying to help them succeed. I have friends who are like that with their parents. It just happens and their relationship is perfectly healthy. I see it as a problem when the kids want to succeed but their life is not totally absorbed by it. For example, yes I want to dance on Broadway but I also want to be a great baker! Parent won’t let the kid bake brownies. Basically, the kid is not allowed to have any life outside of dance.

The focus is intimidating and the child isn’t happy. There was a time when I was younger that I wanted to play professional soccer. I took it seriously but I always knew that soccer was great no matter how far I got in it. I loved the sport. I loved my team. It made my life whenever my older sister would come play soccer with me in the front yard where we used space between shrubs as goals. Soccer shaped who I am. I played for 13 years and it was not to try to be successful. I played because I loved the game, I loved the people, and I had parental support.

I did not have parents forcing their dreams down my throat. I think it’s because the dreams my parents had for me include me being successful and happy in whichever path I choose to take. Following in their footsteps has always been an option but never the main course of action.

Parents, calm down. Your children want to have fun and have you support them. They do not need all the weight of the future on their shoulders at age 6.